limbo

I've been in limbo lately in a bunch of different ways - work, life, etc. When do you wait for things to happen vs. making them happen vs. saying they're not worth the wait? I've been sick lately - bronchitis - and I think all this crazy medicine is putting me in a funny state of mind. It's good because it's bringing me back to regular kathleen. I haven't been wearing any makeup, I've been dressing all casual, not playing games with people, not distracted by stupid things. I've just been focused. I've been getting things in order because I really need order. Instead of going out all the time, I'm taking more downtime. I'm thinking of going back to having people call me kathleen - getting tired of the whole kate thing. Not that it really matters. I like them both.

I've been thinking about communication a lot. The best friendships and relationships I have had are with people that are willing to talk about what they're thinking, what motivates them, what scares them, what excites them. That's the kind of stuff I find interesting and I like to talk about too. What's the point of being friends with someone if you can't have a real conversation with them or if they don't even care about your opinions on things? Conversation is important. At Sasquatch, M and I had some fascinating conversations and I had only just met him, yet some people I've known forever never reach that level of mutual life interest with me. Maybe it has something to do with trust. If you don't trust someone you're never going to open up to them. Some people have been burned by that before and become closed boxes or have huge impenetrable fences. I think I've been burned by people defying my trust but I just get over it because none of my secrets are all that ground-breaking anyway. Better to face the truth than to live in fear of it.

I want to buy a condo and I don't even know where to start. Things are so expensive in downtown Seattle but it's where I love to live. I want to paint more. I want to tutor or get back into some sort of teaching. I want to participate in this second .com boom. I want to write a book. So much.