we all falter

yesterday was one of those days. there was no single awful thing that happened, but nothing was going quite right. i had that heavy feeling all day where you're focused and moving forward on the outside but weighed down on the inside. nothing was quite working out the way i had hoped or planned. everything was good enough, but good enough was not good enough for me. i was bummed out by one thing after the other. my trip to ny is probably cancelled. i had some weird people interactions. had some work meeting woes. in the big picture, everything was going just fine and smooth. i accomplished a lot and life was generally perfect, but sometimes if the small things all pile up at once, they can really get you.

so in the midst of my funk, i was complimented in the most perfect way for what seemed like 2 minutes straight. it was startling in many ways. i believe in angel moments, when angels are sent to you through people, and this was an angel moment. it was fleeting yet fulfilling.

on the way home i couldn't find a song that was right for the mood until finally, obviously, miles davis accompanied me home.

What Brings Me Down Now...

I'm home listening to Counting Crows. The title of this post is one of the lyrics. Their August and Everything After album is one I've probably played over 100 times easily. It's a good album if you're feeling down, but it's also good if you're reminiscing or just want to slow down.

Lately work has been this whirlwind of getting things done, one after the other, with a strict schedule. It's good to be productive. I think it gives me some structure. I love the feeling of finishing things. Unfortunately I probably start way more things than I finish.

The sun came out and the sky was blue Saturday and Sunday. I was able to run around in the sun both days. Sunday I was running along the water with a huge grin on my face. It was the first day of the year that I could wear a t-shirt outside. I felt like the sun was some old friend that knows just how to make you smile.

I started painting again, but I'm a little stalled. I ony have 2 blank canvases, so I'm kind of afraid to paint on them because what if I have some huge moment of inspiration and nothing to paint on. The art store nearby closed, so it's kind of a trek to get canvases. I'm thinking of ordering some online. I've begun a series involving the Seattle Sculpture Park.

I'm looking forward to the spring. By then I should be over my stupid experiences of January and all the other craziness from the holidays and since. I've been reading the book Unhooked by Laura Sessions Stepp and it's confirming some of my philosophies on interactions with men and making me rethink others. January was such a classic case - it could have been in the book.

Sunday F and I had a fun conversation about people who don't realize they're as hot as they are and others who think they're hotter than they are. It's kind of a funny concept. Should people have an idea of how hot they are? Would it do any good? I think you probably just need a balance of humility and self-confidence. Hotness is so subjective and can be affected by clothing, attitude, etc.

That's enough for now. I plan on blogging a little more often. It's just that this blog used to be a lot more anonymous when I started it. Now with Google and RSS feeds it changes the game. Last year I totally got in trouble for one post. I have a poem that I recently stumbled upon that I might post, but it's not on this computer and I was never able to get it quite right. Ah, perfection - my elusive friend.